i would give it all to not be sleeping alone

and in the lime light, i play it all fine. but i cant handle it when i turn off my night light..

see what i did there

i know it's wrong but it feels so damn wright ;)

:'(

i just sat there, there was nothing else i could do. surrounded by some of the people i thought knew me the best, i felt like a complete stranger. so i drank, even though i had to be up in four hours, i kept drinking. i smiled and laughed just to keep the lie going, just so everyone thought i was ok. maybe i was a stranger now, cos i was certainly fooling the people closest to me, in fact i was even fooling myself a little. now i sit here all by myself and it sorta sets in you know, i have so many unanswered questions that will stay rhetorical without me even intending them to be that way. i guess all it comes down to is im sorta ready to stop this silly little act now, id like my life back, no wait, i want me back.

life really confuses the hell out of me

sometimes i wonder how i got to where i am today. you know one day i was a tiny little baby, i didnt know shit, all my decisions were made for me and i didnt know any better. as i gradually got older my responsibilities grew and i started to make choices for myself, every single day, big and small. it really makes me think, every tiny little decision i make really does effect just how everything else is going to be. at the time it seems like nothing but if you think about it, if i had made one small tiny decision differently, it could be anything, like to go out for a walk, to eat a biscuit who the fuck knows, but if i had made one decision differently, would it change everything in my life? if i had decided to go to sleep an hour ago like i should have, would something have happened to me tomorrow that isnt going to now? or maybe now something else is going to happen because i am still up?

sometimes i worry that things are never going to be okay again. im really tired of feeling like this :( i dont know what to do anymore

so take a chance and don't ever look back x

I think I understand. I think the reason you "like" me so much, the reason you miss me and want me around you is because I put up with you. I put up with what others don't. It all makes sense to me now. You push me down and do mean things and I still stick around because face it, I love you. I push all those things aside and still want to be with you while others may get pissed off and that's why you like me. I just don't understand why that's not enough for us to be together. Can't you see how much I'd do for you?

170 days! i did it!

looking into your eyes. we're fucking back baby xo

I realized something. I need you, I trust you, I admire you, I want
you. And you can be wrong a lot of the time, and we can fight and
get mad at each other, but nothing, nothing in this world can change
the fact that I love you.

you could spend minutes, hours, day, weeks or even months over–analyzing the situation trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened or- you could leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on

oh you. x

i like it when your friends say we're alike :) or they say im your 'person'

if you had facebook and liked my status... this is what i would say

I like you. I like every single thing about you. I like how you still want to be my friend after everything I have put you though, everything we have gone through together. I like how we are so alike; we get each other on a level that others can’t quite understand. I like your smile, it’s so cute but cheeky at the same time. I like how you look into my eyes, you’re the only person in the world I’m not afraid to keep eye contact with; your eyes are warm and make me feel safe. I like how you never judged me, everything you know about me you respect that and keep it to yourself. I like how I love you, with every single inch of my heart. In the future that loves going to fade, but you know I always will love you in a way, because you are you, and you are one of my favourite people in the world and that’s never ever going to change...

I STILL LOVE YOU

It's like we're more than just friends, but still less than lovers. You're oh so tough, but I want to be your first weakness. Here we go again with mixed signals and second thoughts.

love

And I let him kiss me that night with the stars gazing down on us, and the cold wind brushing our faces. I let the rain soak in my clothes and hair because he was all I wanted.

your love is my drug

what you got boy is hard to find, i think about it all time. i'm all strung out, my heart it fried.

i just can't get you off my mind!

post 100

you prescribe me to get the fuck out of your life, never talk to you again. i take it all in and swallow the pills down, each one creating an erasable lump in my throat. then you call me up, claiming your diagnoses was wrong, that you were sorry, that you wanted friendship. but i've already taken the first dosage of pills. it's all over now.