see what i did there

i know it's wrong but it feels so damn wright ;)

:'(

i just sat there, there was nothing else i could do. surrounded by some of the people i thought knew me the best, i felt like a complete stranger. so i drank, even though i had to be up in four hours, i kept drinking. i smiled and laughed just to keep the lie going, just so everyone thought i was ok. maybe i was a stranger now, cos i was certainly fooling the people closest to me, in fact i was even fooling myself a little. now i sit here all by myself and it sorta sets in you know, i have so many unanswered questions that will stay rhetorical without me even intending them to be that way. i guess all it comes down to is im sorta ready to stop this silly little act now, id like my life back, no wait, i want me back.

life really confuses the hell out of me

sometimes i wonder how i got to where i am today. you know one day i was a tiny little baby, i didnt know shit, all my decisions were made for me and i didnt know any better. as i gradually got older my responsibilities grew and i started to make choices for myself, every single day, big and small. it really makes me think, every tiny little decision i make really does effect just how everything else is going to be. at the time it seems like nothing but if you think about it, if i had made one small tiny decision differently, it could be anything, like to go out for a walk, to eat a biscuit who the fuck knows, but if i had made one decision differently, would it change everything in my life? if i had decided to go to sleep an hour ago like i should have, would something have happened to me tomorrow that isnt going to now? or maybe now something else is going to happen because i am still up?